I went to my third meeting of Corsham Writers on Thursday. The theme was first lines. Jeff produced a list of famous novel openings, which we took it in turns to read out. Then everyone commented. I can’t remember what they all were now. I’ve just googled great novel first lines and found this Penguin site. It has only one line in it that Jeff used. “It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know what I was doing in New York.” That’s from The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.

Then one of the women bravely read out the opening paragraph of her work in progress. It’s inspired by Women in Love by D.H. Lawrence. As she read I was thinking it was great writing, but I couldn’t find the hook that would make me want to read on. The lady to me left, who works in publishing, began the feedback. She said that it introduced six characters which is far too many. It also consisted entirely of exposition and needed some dialogue to do a bit of showing rather than telling. She was right of course, and I’m sure that book will be brilliant.

I’m still ploughing my way through the biography of Marie de Medici, so haven’t started book five in the Sir Anthony Standen Adventures yet. But I know it will start in Paris, probably around 1614. It will be the child of books 3 and 4, The Suggested Assassin and Called to Account. I will certainly run as much of it past the Corsham Writers as they can bear, when I’ve written it. But as we’re talking about first lines, I thought I’d have a go at the first paragraph.

Louis stopped suckling. Maria gently eased him from her breast and rested him on her shoulder. She patted his back and he let out a satisfied burp. The king had seemed delighted that Maria had asked if she could name her first-born after him. However she also sensed that he hadn’t quite forgiven her for refusing to murder the Duke of Epernon. He liked to get his way, most kings do.

Please tell me what you think. Don’t pull your punches, only honest feedback helps. If you would change a word, or a phrase, let me know. You can use the contact page. Don’t forget to do the little sum before pressing the submit button. Robots can’t do sums apparently.